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Cycle 18, Day 74 (of actually days in chemo)

Gentlemen. Laaadiezz. How are we? Just sitting here, about 4 hours into my first chemo of the week, already peed 7 times, feeling a lil buzzed off the chemo which yes is a thing, only 2 hours left. Thanks for asking though. So I was going to post a #cancerversary blog on June 18 to celebrate my 1 year anniversary of my stroke (always felt like an odd thing to celebrate), but we went out and got drunk instead. Then I was gonna do one for my 1 year anniversary of being diagnosed with cancer (equally odd), but that’s July 3, so obviously that didn’t happen either. So here we are, August 1, finally doing it. I’m proud of me, I’m sure you all are too. Anyways, it’s been over a year now since this train got going and I have some thoughts. 1: you know how people are always like “if I could go back I wouldn’t change a thing”? Yeah no I would definitely not have cancer if I could do it again. Big time regret that decision. 2: being bald is actually pretty awesome. If I ever don’t have cancer I might keep doing chemo just so I never have to shave or get a haircut. Anyways, I did finally get scans again, and per usual came back with no change. So a lot of people ask me how many tumors I have and where they are and I always reply with “literally no idea.” Because I honestly didn’t. So turns out I have none, sort of. Appears I still have them, but they’re too small to be seen on a CT scan. So quite simply, I will be continuing my current 3 days every 3 weeks of chemo because while my tumors may be very small, there are still cancer cells in my body and if we stop now it may come back and chemo may not work the second time. Plus chemo is such a minor disturbance to my everyday life that there’s no reason to risk it. Plus I don’t have to shave. Definition of a win win, relatively. For those of you wondering why I’m still doing chemo despite the 10 cycle limit and no longer doing radiation, I had to stop radiation as the tumors were getting to small to radiate so the plan of zapping away all tumors sorta went out the window, and the chemo hasn’t messed with my kidney function too much yet so as long as that stays true I’ll keep trucking with the chemo. So unfortunately, this will likely be the last post I do for a long time, as nothing new is going to happen for hopefully a long time. I am perfectly content doing chemo until forever, simply because not doing it would make me nervous and would be literally gambling with my life for very little reward. While I may be pretty a bit reckless at times (classic), I’m not an idiot. Well, maybe just not about this. Anyways, I feel like this was a pretty half-assed explanation and I’m pretty chemo drunk so holla at a brotha if you have questions. Anyways, been doing a lot of other stuff recently as well. Moving out of my mother’s house next month and heading into bahston so I can spend all the (little amount of) money I have on rent, food, and nonsense. And live with my best friends for a few years as well. I’m also applying for jobs because I’ve been an intern for over a year and if I don’t switch soon I’ll be like Robert De Niro in that movie. Pretty sure it was called the intern. Although I’d have Anne Hathaway tryna shuck my corn so that’d be cool I guess. Although I’d be like 40 years older than her. Eh, we’d make it work. I believe in us. Anyways, last update is I’ve started working out again a few weeks ago. Finally back lifting weights and doing cardio, playing hockey once or twice a week, and shockingly not fainting or vomiting so far, so I’d say it’s going well. Or better than before when a flight of stairs would make me blackout. Ah, memories. To be young again, amiright? But this is actually a huge step for me as being in shape has always been important to me, plus staying fit and healthy seems more important now than ever before in my young life. Plus, this whole journey has made me want to become a badass. The kinda guy you see and think “I wouldn’t piss in that guy’s Cheerios.” It doesn’t take a therapist to guess I probably feel that way because of what I’ve been through so now I want to look and feel invincible. Anyways, I’ve wasted enough of all of our time, so I’ll see myself out. I actually still have an hour to go (for you math nerds out there, yes, that does mean it took me over an hour to write this) so I won’t actually be leaving. But I gotta pee for the 9th time (I peed mid blog as well) so I’m out. LATAH!!

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