Cycle 6: Chemo day 1, day 99 overall

Aloha my kahunas. We’re almost to day 100 of me having cancer!! Hooray!!! Can’t wait to celebrate tomorrow by drinking 100 beers!! I kid, that would be expensive. But for real, I remember being round 1 and thinking “holy shit someday I’m gonna be at like round 6, I can’t even imagine what that’ll be like.” Well, past Mitch, I’ll tell you what it’s like! It’s the worst. Anyone else miss the days when cancer used to be fun? Cause I sure do. In reality it actually isn’t too much worse, mostly the same side effects as usual only now I can add diarrhea onto the list, which is hilarious. I mean not like all the time, but the reason I didn’t post a blog last cycle is cause the weekend after I had it real bad for a couple days and I was too drained to write anything. But yeah. Poop, man. Everyone does it. Except girls (duh). Anyways, today is significant not only cause it’s day 99, but also because I got my third round of scans back. I’ll be honest, my oncologist is on vacation or something so I had a different guy and he didn’t really seem to know how to gauge my progress, so he really wasn’t very helpful. What I do know is that there was no new growth, so I consider that a pretty big win. The key to living with cancer, besides chemo, is to keep your expectations super low so you’re never disappointed. Like, as long as the results from my scans aren’t that now I have polio and scurvy as well as cancer, then I’m pretty happy. But seeing as I don’t plan on being on a wooden ship in the 1700’s for a long period of time anytime soon, I think I’m safe on that front. I don’t think it’s even possible to get polio anymore. Regardless, it’s day 1 of what should be yet another long week of doing a lot of drugs that aren’t fun and struggling to eat food even though I’m starving. Should be a good time I think. But hey, if I’m gonna achieve my goal of living to be 115 so I can make up an absurd reason as to how I lived that long, then I’m gonna have to keep doing this jive turkey nonsense. But did anyone see that like 112 year old lady who said she lived that long cause she would take a shot of scotch and drink 3 keystone lights a day? That’s A+ material right there. Like what’s funnier, the fact that somewhere some idiot read that and decided to start doing it everyday, or going to the home to visit granny and she’s sitting there just ripping scotch, throwing back a few 90 cent beers, and getting ready to absolutely crush bingo after dinner at 430? What a lady. Anyways that’s all the material I can squeeze out of my super shiny dome, so until next time.

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