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Chemo #2, Cycle 6

First of all, happy Christmas, merry Hanukkah, and a joyous Kwanzaa to you all. I could say merry Christmas ya filthy animals but much to the chagrin of my lady friend, I’m not much of a Chevy Chase guy and I’m pretty sure that line is from Christmas Vacation. Just a terrible movie. Since we’re on the topic, my hot take of the season: Santa Claus 2, better than Santa Claus 1. That’s right, I said it. Feel free to say what you will but you know I’m right. Also, they are just horrible to Rudolph in his old claymation movie. I mean, his own father kicks him out of the north pole when he’s like 2. What a dick. Does raise questions about who his real father is. I mean, how did he acquire the red nose? Was Mrs. Comet banging a stop light or something? Either way, I digress. We’re all here to talk cancer so let’s get into it. I know you’re all dying to know so I’ll start right off with it: my butthole is 100 times better now. Thanks to coffee, fiber gummies, witch’s hazel, and coconut oil, I’m back to pooping like a soft serve ice cream machine on a hot summer’s night (minus the occasional toilet bowl of tomato soup that happens sometimes when my INR is too high). I did get scans recently and it came back with good news. Seems the big tumor behind my heart that was causing problems before is dying from the inside, so I got that going for me. Everything else was either smaller or the same. My doctor mentioned zapping the pesky ones with radiation but I’ve heard that story before and I’m not sure I’m buying what he’s selling there. I’m due to get scans again next weekend so we’ll see what comes of that. Now you’re probably wondering, “hey Mitch, what’s it like being in the 6th cycle of your 3rd year of treatment?” Well, first of all, great question. Secondly, it’s sort of becoming a drag. The first 4 cycles of this regimen (besides the hemorrhoids) were a real cake walk down waffle lane. Now it’s starting to finally get shitty again. The exhaustion is kicking in, nausea is becoming more of a problem, my eyebrow is gone so I’m looking rather wormy now. It’s the kind of stuff where I imagine at some point in my next blog I’m gonna use the phrase “remember when chemo used to be fun?” Regardless, it seems like we’re making progress so nothing to do but suck it up and deal with it. Maybe write a sarcastic blog every now and then. Live as meaningful a life as I can. The holidays are always an interesting time for me cause I always think about how I was supposed to die around this time 2 years ago. It makes me think that I should be ecstatic that I made it through another year, but it always feels a little hard to bust open the champagne when I’m in the thick of still living my life like a cripple. Does make me appreciate the gf more though. While I could have lived without her forcing me to watch 19 Christmas movies this month, her jubilance this time of year does make it seem a little more like a celebration. Either way, I got a long week ahead of me and I’m sure you all do too, so let’s spike some eggnog, get inappropriately drunk at our holiday office parties, and ring in the new year with friends and family! Or some shit like that, I don’t know your lives.

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