Cycle 1 of Chemo #2

I’m done with these damn unique opening lines every time I write a journal. I’m out of ideas, they’ve been stale for months, let’s just all move on already. So some of you may be surprised at the title of this journal entry since my last one was about how I’m waiting to get into an immunotherapy clinical trial, but that was like sooooo last week. I’m just trying to stay hip with what all the kids are doing these days. And these days, everyone is climbing aboard the Gem/Tax train, and now your boi is the conductor of that shit. Choo choo mothufuckahs. So what the hell am I actually talking about, you may ask? Those bastards at the drug company have pushed out the clinical trial start date another 3 weeks and I’m fed up with their butt-lickin therapy-suckin nonsense. So instead of waiting another month to start a clinical trial that probably won’t work anyways, I’ve decided to get started with another form of chemo called Gemzar Taxotere, or Gem/Tax for short. Basically, what happened was last week my clinical trial murse (not a typo) called and said the trial was delayed again, and since I’ve been sitting around doing nothing about the disease raging inside me for over 2 months, I decided to get proactive in another way, instead of sitting idly by waiting for death like a total puss. So the other way I got proactive is I reached out to my main homie Dr D Money Magic and told him that I was back in the market for some chemo. Two days later I was getting baseline scans and then yesterday I got my first infusion of my new cocktail, Gem/Tax. Gem/Tax is different from Ifos/Etop (my OG regimen) in a number of ways, but the biggest difference is in the schedule. Instead of doing 5,3, or 1 day cycles of 6 hour infusions, I am now doing a 2.5 hour infusion every Monday, 2 weeks on, 1 week off. Much more manageable given that I’m now a big boy with a big boy job where I can’t just take off weeks at a time for treatment. If you wanna learn more about the actual drugs in Gem/Tax, well use that search bar up there at the top of your internet explorer cause I ain’t got time for that nonsense you nerd. So if you’ve been following along, you know that it is currently about 26 hours after the end of my first Gem/Tax treatment, so here’s my honest review so far:

1. Constipation: 9/10. I really haven’t missed being constipated. I’m back on anti-nausea meds (granted I’m on fewer, but still enough to cork me up worse than a monkey trying to open a bottle of wine) and they’re not great. No nausea per usual, but I’ve been blasting off dry farts like a rocket ship headed for Uranus, and it’s keeping the gf up at night.
2. Fatigue: 6/10. It’s no day 5 of Ifos/Etop, but I’m definitely not running any marathons any time soon either. Not that I was anyways, running is for suckers.
3. Hair loss: 1/10. None yet, besides the usual thinning, and it sounds like it won’t be much of an issue this time unlike last time when I was balder than an NBA game ball, with legs smoother than a silk bag full of puppy ears.
4. Appetite: 9/10. I’m back to craving food like a pregnant woman and for some reason I’m fahkin staahhhvvin all the time now. Kind of a bummer cause I was hoping I wouldn’t have an appetite so I could have a reason to get some pot and 420 blaze it brother.
5. Other possible side effects: Diarrhea (certainly haven’t experienced this yet), swollen feet (classic preggo chick nonsense), fever, pneumonia, scurvy, gonorrhea, polio, chicken pox, herpes (per usual), humpty-dumpty sydrome, hingle mccringle berries, fantasia, and disco fever.

All in all, hasn’t been bad so far. I’m elated to be back on chemo, which is something I never thought I would say. But sitting around knowing your cancer is growing inside you and all you can do about it is to wait and hope for a trial is a punishment I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. I was having nightmares, anxiety, couldn’t sleep, even got oddly accepting of the concept of death. Really was a wonderful 2 months, basically a vacation every day. So I’m glad I’m back in the fight, it’s where I belong. I’ve always wanted to prove that I was stronger than anything I could ever have to endure, and while cancer wasn’t really how I hoped I could find that mountain to climb, I have always felt more at home fighting for my life than I ever have sitting around living the everyday life of a 20-something-year-old cube monkey. It’s weird, but it sort of feels like the life I was meant for. Anyways, once the clinical trial is open I’ll still get screened for it and give it a shot if the Gem/Tax isn’t working as hoped but as of now Gem/Tax is the dream boat I’m sailing straight to the promise land. Another positive of Gem/Tax is it is far less demanding on the kidneys, so if it works it may be feasible as a long-term solution, perhaps even for a few years. Holy shit that was a long post. I honestly may not even proofread this nonsense it’s so long. Whatever, not my problem, and not my president.