5 More Reasons Why Having Cancer Ain’t So Bad

I’ll be honest, I’m in a pretty chipper mood for whatever reason, so let’s have some fun and talk about the happy side of cancer. These are my favorite blogs cause they really get me thinking about what’s positive in my life right now, and hopefully they inspire you to try to do the same. I love hearing from people, so if you come up with any winners, give me a shout on twitter @seriouslycancer. That being said, he’s my top 5 from today:

1. Gets you to try new things. I never used to be much of a coffee drinker cause it was expensive and I’ve just never been much of a caffeine guy. But now that I have hemorrhoids and need all my poops to be silky smooth, I’ve started to drink it and you know what? I like it. Coffee tastes good and I’m glad my cancer-induced butt probs forced me to start drinking it. Now I can finally have an opinion when all the ladies are discussing their favorite seasonal latte flavors. Mine is peppermint mocha. Tastes like a cupcake got freaky with a candy cane.
2. You get to experience a hairdo you may not have otherwise. Some of us like myself were already destined to be baldos because of genetics, but some people probably had a thick head of hair then all of a sudden went bald and were like “damn, I look like Vin Diesel!”
3. Makes gambling exciting. I myself am not a gambler. If I’m at a casino then I’ll play some roulette but that’s really it. I do, however, have friends who are big time gamblers and put money on sports games every week. They think it’s thrilling betting their rent money on some women’s cricket game or some shit, well try going into a clinical trial knowing the effectiveness of a totally untested drug could be the difference between life and death. Now THAT, is some thrilling stuff. Forget poker, that kinda shit will get your blood pumping and I imagine the thrill of winning is enough to make a man go from 6 to midnight real quick.
4. The cancer card. I can’t believe it took me this long to think of the most obvious advantage of having cancer. Now, with great power comes great responsibility, and there are definitely people who get drunk with power once they can start wielding the cancer card. That being said, it can get you most anything you want if you play your cards right. Maybe won’t get you a discount on a new car, but you can definitely bring home the hottest girl from the bar for a quick sympathy bang if you try hard enough.
5. Puppies! Therapy dogs can be great for people dealing with anxiety or depression due to their illness. Even more, cancer is a legitimate disability recognized by Massachusetts (idk about other states but I assume it is everywhere) for which you can rightfully acquire a service dog. So you can have a doggo, and bring it with you everywhere too. Now I’m a happily engaged man so I would never do this, but walk into a bar with a cute ass doggy and the cancer card in your back pocket and you’ll be the absolute belle of the ball anywhere you go.